Lawyering Through Life

Tales of a Sweatshop Attorney

Prior to my current, and rather cushy, contract assignment, I worked in the closest thing to a sweatshop that an adult with a graduate degree will most likely experience. I realize I shouldn't rule it out because one never knows but here's hoping that my 7 years of higher learning and the 20 plus years I face paying for that learning means this is the worst it will get for me.

Now, to describe the sweatshop. The sweatshop is on the first floor of a very nice office building downtown. The building itself exudes prestige, with its shiny floors, fresh flowers and sparkling windows. Swank Law Firm (SLF) occupies two floors of the building, in addition to the sweatshop on the first floor. The *real lawyers* work amidst gleaming white walls, stride atop plush carpet and have access to phones, office supplies and rumor has it, free snacks. There are generally only two reasons a first floor attorney braves the upstairs:

1) To use the bathroom. The first floor sweatshop doesn't have a restroom so every time nature called, one had to take the elevator to the 12th floor. Under no circumstances could a first floor attorney use the restrooms on the 4th floor. Actual emails stating this fact circulated routinely. The firm strongly preferred we used the 12th floor restrooms but, in case of emergency, (as in 3 of your 100 first floor peers had to go at the same time and all stalls were occupied and you were incapable of holding it - and we are talking REAL discomfort here, not just a little dance), one could use the 3rd floor restroom. But be forewarned - if you are going to use the 3rd floor restroom, be prepared for the looks of disgust and annoyance that the *real employees* will throw your way.

2) To meet with the HR director, a.k.a. the Shrew. The Shrew meets with new contract employees and explains life at the firm (Your life will commence sucking now) and benefits (You have none till you've been here 4 months. I dare you to stay that long). She essentially takes you through the new employees manual, making helpful comments like "Oh, that doesn't apply to you" and "You are not eligible for that benefit" and "Oh, wait here is one for you...let me see...oh, nope, didn't read the fine print...sorry!". All in all, conversations with the Shrew do wonders for the spirit. I think the Shrew's favorite part of her job was giving new employees a tour of the firm's facilities. Of course, contract employees did not receive the tour but every tour included a visit to the sweatshop. The Shrew would bring new associates inside and the look of sheer horror on the associates' faces says it all: Is this place for real? Oh, look at their sad faces! Oh, hurry, Shrew, I don't want to stay here any longer! Please, take me back upstairs to my cushy office where I can yell for my secretary to bring me more free snacks!

I have so much more to say about the sweatshop. The cast of characters are colorful, the plot lines downright ridiculous and the conditions intolerable. That being said, I met some great friends (hi peeps!) and made good money, the majority of which now hangs in my closet. On that note, stay tuned for more "Tales of a Sweatshop Attorney".

posted by jersey @ 3:15 PM