Lawyering Through Life

Happy Birthday

To Me.

I am not returning to my blog just to solicit presents from the small number of faithful readers that remain. Rather, a birthday always seems to encourage introspection. I am looking back at the 27th year of my life and it was not one of those even keel years. Within one year, I experienced true euphoria when I found out that I passed the bar but also suffered a tremendous and debilitating heartbreak. I worked for a few months at an awful job with barely tolerable conditions only to land a fantastic job that will (fingers crossed) translate into previously unattainable career opportunities for me.

So, this year has been a bit of a roller coaster. If you know me, you have probably seen me cry more times than you would like, and not laugh as much as I normally do. I never look forward to birthdays because frankly, getting older is a little scary. A few years ago, Belle and I were talking one of our long walks along the Potomac where we would debate the big issues pending in our lives. I told her that for as long as I could remember I thought my 27th year would be a rough one. She looked at me quizzically and asked why. It was nothing I could pinpoint, I said, it was just a feeling I have in the back of my mind that something terrible will happen in my 27th year. She tried to convince me otherwise, telling me that perhaps I would get married at 27, or fall in love, or get my dream job. I dismissed her encouragement because she just didn’t feel what was in my heart about this year. That whatever life brought that year, it was not going to be good.

Despite that feeling, and despite the rough patch of breaking up with TH, I survived what I had anticipated was going to be a very rough year. My mother was 27 when her father died, and I have always worried that the same thing would happen to me. So, instead of dreading this birthday, I greet it with a sigh of relief and with a sense of resolve that I should no longer live in fear that bad things might happen. Because bad things do happen, and I have learned that I am way stronger than I thought I was. Maybe something awful will happen this year as well, but I can’t change it or fight it or avoid it.

But I think this birthday provides me with an opportunity to move forward with my life. A new year for me can truly be a new beginning. I promise more frequent blogging will part of that new beginning.

posted by jersey @ 4:20 PM