Lawyering Through Life

And it begins

I made a final decision on what to give up for Lent this year: boys! Now, I am not switching teams or anything but I decided to give up worrying, over-analyzing, stressing, and spending countless hours discussing what they do (or don't do as is so often the case). In the spirit of this Lenten resolution, I even emailed TH this morning a conciliatory note to apologize for this past weekend's drunk dial (I know, Generic, you want more specifics). I hoped to put the animosity behind me so I can spend the next 40 days working on myself. Which is what I need to be doing. I need to get back in touch with the person I was before my identity was linked to Treehugger. That person was kind, smart, confident and fun to be around. I want to be her again.

I didn't have to wait long for a challenge to my Lenten promise to myself. Tomorrow is the Editrix's birthday celebration. Nothing too raucous, just drinks at a local dive bar. TH was purposefully not invited but a significant number of our mutual friends were invited. One mutual friend, Penn State Fan, told the Editrix that TH had inquired of him as to the weekend's plans. PSF told TH that the plan was to celebrate the Editrix's birthday and, seeing as the Editrix is one of my best friends and my attendance is a given, TH would probably not want to join us. The Editrix immediately forwarded this information along to me, asking me how I wanted her to respond. A few emails exchanged between all parties resulted in the confirmation I had been fearing: TH indeed has a new girlfriend.

I really am struggling with this information. In the back of my mind, I've known since the encounter that this was probably the case. And I so want to act like it doesn't bother me as all my friends tell me it shouldn't. But it does. It hurts a lot. All reason goes out the window when you hurt like this. I hear people saying things like "It is not going to last" and "It is just a rebound thing" and "You deserve so much better". And the part of my brain that reasons like an attorney seizes these tidbits and holds fast to them. But they offer little comfort to my heart, which hurts so much at the thought of him with someone else.

I close my eyes to fight back the tears and clench my fists. This too shall pass, I repeat to myself at my desk. I am trying to stick to my Lenten promise and not stress or think about this because thinking about it only puts me more in touch with the pain of all this.

posted by jersey @ 3:39 PM