But a number?
Last year, I went through a bit of a younger man phase. The cut-off was 25, which was approximately two years younger than I was at the time. Now, I am a year older, but apparently still only able to attract significantly younger guys.Case in point: Saturday night.
I entertained friends with homemade sangria, peach and brie quesadillas, roasted tomato salsa, and the Editrix’s guacamole that most definitely contained some crack-like substance that made it positively addictive. After the pre-Cinco de Mayo feast, the group headed to a local bar, at my insistence, to see a Journey tribute band. I love love love Journey. And I am okay if you choose to mock me.
During the show, a few of us decided to get right in the midst of the crowd and rock out with other fans. At one point, I noticed a tall, very cute, but very young looking boy behind me. We eventually made eye contact and he came up to talk to me. We started trying to talk over the loud music and he asked how old I was. I narrowed my eyes and rather than answer, turned the question back to him.
He answered that he was 28. My mouth fell open slightly as he didn’t look a day over 22. After confirming with my friends that it was acceptable for me to talk to him since he was 28, we continued to talk/dance. At some point during the night, we were at the bar and he said, “Well, okay, I am actually 26.”
Slightly indignant over the lie, I asked if this time he was telling the truth. “Yes, absolutely”, he promised this time was the truth.
And you guessed it – about 15 minutes later, he knocked it down to 25. At this point, we were back with my group of friends and I drunkenly announced that we were right to doubt his age because he kept changing it. Lil AG demanded to see his driver’s license, but frankly we were both a little unsteady at this point to read his DOB. KS came to our rescue and declared that he was indeed born in 1982. And wasn’t yet 25.
Right then, the band launched into “Any Way You Want It” so I decided the Great Age Debate would be postponed a few minutes. After the show, we wound up talking so more and he continued to apologize for lying about his age. And he seemed so sincere. And incredibly into me. Which I don’t encounter very often. So, do I judge him by his age? (Putting aside the whole lying thing, of course) I guess if I am just looking for a fun guy to hang out with and exchange silly text messages with, I should be all set. But is that fair? To think that is all he is capable of because of his age? Part of me thinks that I shouldn’t concern myself with age – I want to meet someone nice and great and fun and if he is older or younger, what doe it matter? I have imposed these age cut-offs because I think I need them. And maybe because I think that a 24 year old is just not looking for a serious relationship right now. Which bears the question – am I? I think I might be. And if I am, isn’t age a very easy and appropriate measure of who I think I can get serious with?
Great. Now my head hurts.
posted by jersey @ 5:11 PM
5 Comments:
He's 24, not 19 - it's not as though serious is out of the question. My best friend's husband was 24ish when they got married three years ago, and they're awesome together.
That said, lying - not once, but three times, and never really coming clean short of handing over his license for you to do the math yourself - is not a good sign. Lying about the age is a lot more of a red flag than the age itself.
And here's to you Mrs. Robinson, Jesus loves you more than you will know, whoa whoa whoa...
Um, the lying is NOT a big deal when it was based upon his sense that he would be prejudicially shot down on the spot if he told the truth about it. So get past that and date him once or twice before you even bother worrying about long term - deciding if a guy is marriage material while drunk at a bar is a bad idea, and even sober the next day there just might, just maybe, be a need for further info. But age is definitely a poor indicator of most things
Is it bad if I chose to look past both the age and the lying? :) But seriously, I think the point that it is too soon to judge is a point that needed to be made. So, thanks! I certainly wasn't sizing him up as potential marriage material from one conversation at a bar but it just got me thinking about the slightly arbitrary rules I have been following regarding guys and age.
You ask, "...isn’t age a very easy and appropriate measure..." - answer; no and no - for dating nor multiple other situations in life. It's about maturity and readiness - in dating, on the job, in social situations etc.
Not knowing you, or him for that matter, regardless of the arbitrary year(s) you were born into this world, maybe you're a match in terms of lovelife experiences and relationship-readiness levels - you can't judge so superficially; get to know someone, and don't forget to examine yourself along the way too.
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