My mistakes
I am very aware of the mistakes that I have made in my relationships. I own my mistakes, I am one with my mistakes, I completely get my mistakes. Because my mistakes have caused me so much pain, I wish my mistakes could prevent others from experiencing such pain. Yes, my mistakes are worth the lessons I have learned, why shouldn't others learn those same lessons, at my expense and not have to endure it themselves?Remember Charlotte? Sweet, happy, ready to be married with child Charlotte. Charlotte who feel hard and fast for a boy who was in her words absolutely perfect. Yes, he is a little young, and *gasp*, he is a Yankee, but absolutely perfect apart from those. Fast forward a few months and I discover that Absolutely Perfect Yankee has broken Charlotte's heart by abruptly announcing the end of their seven month relationship over the phone as she drove home from the airport. Red and I immediately drove down to NC the first chance we had and comforted her with some hugs, a few well played games of flip cup, and of course, a healthy dose of Stoli Vanilla poured into her diet coke during a football game. She had a rough few weeks but was making it through as best she could. APY had a case of dumper's remorse, however, and showed up at her door with two tickets to Miami for the Orange Bowl and a retraction of his previous freak out. Charlotte has taken him back, hesitantly at first, but after my conversation with her last night, it seems they are back on, full force. APY is looking for jobs outside the area, however, and Charlotte, although she won't admit it, is contemplating leaving a city she loves to follow him if he leaves town.
The part of me that has been burned in the past desperately bit her tongue during our conversation. If there is one thing that I've learned from my mistakes, it is that my mistakes cannot teach others the lessons they have taught me. It is not that I want to sing a chorus of "I told you so"s to Charlotte, but I just want to shake her and warn her of the path she is heading. And that only heartache awaits her. APY is not the guy for her - she doesn't want a guy who makes s*xual innuendso to her friends, or tells her friends that he doesn't care if he gets to know them, or blows off her parents for lunch because he "doesn't feel like going."
Sigh. But all one can really do is keep her mouth shut. As friends, we comfort, give advice, and provide support. We don't dictate life decisions and we most certainly don't judge lest we ourselves be judge. I took TH back with reckless abandon and look where it got me. But I wouldn't be the person I am today if I hadn't done that. And while I am not 100% happy all the time, I like the person I am today. Even if that person is no longer as innocent and is a little bit more jaded.
Maybe I will be wrong. Maybe APY is actually an absoutely perfect yankee who made one mistake and really is the guy for Charlotte. Even as I type that I don't believe that. I do believe that along the way, I will listen and nod and be there if it falls apart again. Because as friends that is all we can do.
And plus an absolutely perfect yankee? There is no such thing. Unless of course we were talking about me.
posted by jersey @ 5:45 PM
2 Comments:
It's so hard, but you've got it right. There is absolutely nothing you can do to prevent a friend from a boy-path she is hell-bent on pursuing. Although frustrating at times, all you can do is be as supportive as possible and make sure you're there if/when things fall apart.
I'm a new reader to your blog; what a great post. It's so easy for others to tell us what to do - most of the time they really mean well - but in the end, we just have to find out for ourselves where our journey will go, whether it ends in happiness or heartache. Too bad if it ends in "I told you so" - some things we need to figure out for ourselves. You couldn't have put it better and sound like a great friend to have =)
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