Lawyering Through Life

Don't say it...!

I know that I'm closer to my Mother than the average 27 year old. Although we live 537.02 miles apart (no, I didn't know that off the top of my head) we talk every day. At least once. Usually more.

My parents divorced when I was 7. So Mom, and my two sisters, were the ones I came to depend on in my daily life. We were always close, but sometime during my freshman year of college, I suddenly realized how much she had done for me. And how much I wanted to do for her.

Actually, I remember the moment exactly. About a week after arriving on campus, I came home from class to find my dorm room empty for the first time. My high school friend, and now college roommate, was in class. I sat on my twin bed, in our room that would have looked identical if it were split down the middle. I was probably a little homesick...but two things hit me all at once:

1) I didn't want to be here. I didn't belong here! I wanted to go to law school...I shouldn't have partied so much in high school. I needed to be in a better college. I was smarter than this! (I then spent the first two years of college working to get out...)

2) My Mother has done more for me than I ever realized! How did she feed, clothe, educate and nurture 3 daughters on her own, while not only working full time, but while holding down one of the most respected jobs in our state? I suddenly realized that although I could hardly take care of myself, she was responsible for so much more. How did she ever have time to pick up the drycleaning?

It was then that I realized that I wanted to do right by her. That I at least owed her my best try. I think she is proud of me now, and I am so proud of her. But what I never considered, until recently, is that I might someday turn *into* her. And it scares me. Now, I mean this in the nicest possible way. My Mom is a wonderful and kind human being. She is eerily intelligent, gracious and loving. But, like everyone, she has her idiosyncrasies.

Like singing aloud for no apparent reason. And not only does she enjoy belting it out to no one, but she often makes up her own words...to familiar tunes. Just the other day, I caught myself singing some version of the Sunday School favorite "Zaccheus was a wee little man, and a wee little man was he..." to my 7 month old mutt, Deacon. Only I changed the words to "the Deacers was a wee little pup, and a wee little pup was he. He jumped up in his Mommy's lap for the treat he wanted to eat..." Yes. I know. I am embarrassing myself.

But WHAT causes me to do this? Why am I picking up her little habits? And why are more and more of these things starting to show up, the older I get? Am I going to become my Mother?????

posted by jersey @ 3:35 PM