Lawyering Through Life

Change

I am currently in a bit of a pickle. There is someone in my life, that I care about deeply, that needs help. She is in a bad situation but seems unable (or perhaps, more accurately, unwilling) to extricate herself from said situation. I myself have been in my fair share of bad situations. And I moaned and bitched and cried to my friends and family about some of these situations. But at some point, one must stop the bitching, moaning, crying, etc. and recognize that most situations can be changed. But one has to WANT to change. One must be open to the possibility of change, no matter how overwhelming, scary, or intimidating change can be. Change is all of those things - and making a change, such as walking away from someone that you care about it, is indeed overwhelming, scary, and intimidating. But, at some point, we must give in to what we know in our hearts is right. And walk away. Lucky for me, TH forced me to walk away. If he hadn't broken up with me, we would most likely still be together and I would most certainly be still miserable. I would never have taken the time to focus on myself and becoming happy again.

I know that it was right to break up even though I missed him so much last night, I could barely breathe as I lie in bed. I had people over for a 24 dinner party and one of the guests was Wayne, mine and TH's mutual close friend. When he walked in, everything came rushing back and luckily, I was slicing pork so I couldn't afford to lose my composure. But I could barely look over at Wayne during dinner because seeing him felt so strange. Sure, we were close friends before TH but I will forever associate Wayne as TH's best friend. As much as I want to have my friendship with Wayne return to normalcy, I recognize that is impossible. The change in our little group's dynamic (in that I am basically no longer a part of the group - gotta love bros before hoes) certainly is painful. But I will never get TH out of my head if I continue to surround myself with friends that remind me so much of our time together. Because there were some good, no, fantastic times together and we spent them with these friends. I hope that when I am ready to re-join the group that I am welcomed back with open arms. But, for now, I need to continue focusing on myself and distance myself from the past. And that is a huge change. These friends have been my social support group for a few years. As I said before, change is overwhelming, scary and intimidating. Striking out more *on my own* has been just that. It has also been rewarding, refreshing, and downright crazy at times. That is the thing with change....you just never know what it is going to bring.

I hope that everything works out for my friend. Unfortunately, until she is ready to accept change, there is very little that I can do besides be there to listen and to support her. I would like to think I am doing those things well but it is awfully frustrating at times. Our lives are exactly that...they are *ours*. To live, to love, to walk away, to stay...we can't live our lives for other people. Obviously, we must consider the wants and needs of others, especially in the context of a relationship. But, sometimes, saying good-bye to someone is not at all selfish - it is just the right thing to do.

posted by jersey @ 1:35 PM