GRR
I loathe know it all attorneys who put their cell phone numbers on pleadings but yet when I call said cell phone, act all indignant and then make me call his secretary at yet another number because he can’t possibly take down my contact information because you know, I called him on his cell phone.
I hope my judge b*tch slaps this guy when he shows up Friday.
The Curiousness of Human Behavior
On Friday night, I had two experiences that left me shaking my head at the curiousness of human behavior. After a rather long week of work, I sat on my front porch, with a glass of chardonnay and
A Walk in the Woods by Bill Bryson. A bit of background: I live in a residential neighborhood that is considered to be *prime real estate*. My house is only a few blocks from bars and restaurants that are extremely popular. People who don't live in my neighborhood drive to said neighborhood, park their cars in front of my house, and then walk to the nearby nightlife. While this is frustrating due to the amount of parking garages that surround my neighborhood, I have accepted that some people are just too cheap to pay $3 for parking. The problem is that my street on the weekends becomes miserably crowded. I come home and have to circle my block looking for a parking spot. Keep in mind, I don't live in the city. I realize sometimes I won't score a parking spot right in front of my house but parking 8 houses down, or worse yet, on an entirely different block gets old, especially late at night when I am coming home by myself.
Across the street from my house is a rather large and fancy house that sold for over $700,000. I wasn't kidding about the prime real estate - my landlord is sitting on a gold mine and making me pay for it. Next to this house, is a long, single lane driveway that could accomodate up to four cars. Which is good, since these neighbors of mine have three cars. What is frustrating is that they oftentimes only keep one car in the driveway. And so I sat on my porch on Friday night, watching people drive to my neighborhood and abandon their cars in search of food and drink. My across the street neighbors emerged from their house and caught my attention. One family member pulled a SUV out of the driveway and parked it in front of my house, directly in front of their other SUV. They then all piled into the remaining car in the driveway and left for the evening. This irked me a great deal. Rather than park your car on the street, why not pull it into your fancy schmancy driveway? I realize playing musical cars can be an annoying game but look around! There are barely any parking spots on our street. I realize I have no legal claim to stand on; it is just an issue of neighborly request. So, I drafted a note to these neighbors, pointing out to them the parking nightmare that our street has become, and respectfully requesting that they utilize their driveway when they can. I thought my note was firm but kind. I just find it curious that you would park your overpriced SUV with the rest of the proliteriat on the street where it could succumb to poor parallel parking and errant cyclists. Keep it safe in the confines on your property. You paid enough money for that house. Sheesh.
The real kicker came later that same evening. Roommate and I decided to go see
The Break-up on Friday night at a popular downtown theater. We were a few minutes late because Roommate needed gas. Since I wouldn't give up the parking spot I had obtained halfway down the street, she needed to drive. Bottom line - we were about 10 minutes late getting into the theater. We looked around and saw that it was rather crowded. Scattered throughout the theater were empty seats, but never more than one. We saw two seats on either side of a couple and figured we could simply request they move down. They were going to have to sit next to people regardless. Moving is slightly annoying but what can you do? It is Friday night, at 9:30 and you are seeing a popular movie. Roommate whispers to the couple and motions for them to move down. As I look on incredously, the woman of the couple says "No, your friend can go sit on the other side." Slighlty perplexed, Roommate whispers "Excuse me" and the woman repeats herself, more firmly this time, "Your friend can go sit on the other side."
ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? You can't move down ONE SEAT?? You would rather make two friends who came together sit on either side of you?? So, now, I am at a date movie, surrounded by couples and I can't even sit next to Roommate and tell her how much I love Vince Vaughn. Yes, moving is distracting to the people behind you but but so am I climbing over you, when you simply could have scooted down one seat. Plus it was a preview for
A Devil Wears Prada!! Which will probably be a funny movie but we aren't talking Oscar worthy film clip. When the movie ended, I quickly escorted Roommate out of the theater before she could give the couple a piece of her mind. I too felt the need to say something but I honestly believe people who would refuse a request such as ours to simply move down are beyond saving.
Open Letter
Open Letter to all those who are married, engaged, or with child:
I cannot do everything and be everywhere for everyone. Sometimes, I have to miss weddings, bridal showers, bachelorette parties, baby showers and/or christenings. Sometimes my absence can be explained by the fact that I am just not free when you decide to celebrate. I have my own life, as boring and lame as it might be at times, it is mine. Only I get to pass judgment on how I live it. I started a new job last month that is the most important job I have ever had. If I do this job right, and give it 110%, I can parlay this job into something even better. That is my focus right now. That may mean I have to skip out on some pretty big events in the lives of my friends. And for that, I sincerely apologize.
The downside to my fabulous job is that it is a rather low paying job. At 27, I thought I would be in way better shape financially than I am actually in. But rent, loan payments, my first vacation in a LONG time, all these obligations stretch my clerk salary rather thin. My decision to join a beach house took all money not already earmarked for my *adult* responsibilities. Some may call that selfish in that I have to miss out on important celebrations in the lives of my friends. I call it my attempt to keep myself sane.
Now, the problem is my blog is not entirely anonymous. Friends who are married/engaged/pregnant read this occassionally and I want to clarify that this is not a passive aggressive post directed at anyone in particular. For the last few years, I have put up with a lot of flack from engaged/married/pregnants for skipping out of things. This summer has turned out to be no different from the rest. Except I am not allowing it to get to me as it has in the past. Friends may get snarky but all I can do is apologize. And I sincerely regret that I can't be everywhere for everyone. I especially regret that not everyone gets that.
Footsteps
Do you hear that? Those loud thumping footsteps? No? Listen closely. You can't miss them. That, my friends, is the sound of Justice Scalia as he tramples all over your constitutional rights.
LoatheThat pretty much sums it up.
Snippets
Is that a word? You know what I am referring to so I defer to the Editrix to inform me if I can't spell.
My blogging has been sporadic at best so I thought I would throw out some snippets of what is going on in my life to explain my absence from the blog-o-sphere:
1) Currently, my judge is teaching two classes, in addition to his every day judge duties, so things have been pretty busy work-wise. At times, I feel like he is riding me harder than a cowboy at the rodeo. I seriously tried to come up with a metaphor without sexual overtones but I failed. He is working me hard. I thought the cowboy reference works but perhaps not.
2) I attended a cooking class at Williams-Sonoma last night. I paid a fair chunk of change to learn how to cook picnic food. You know, because I picnic so often. I didn't actually cook myself - it was a demonstration class but we got to eat a TON of deeliciousness. On a related cooking note, I am hosting a brunch for my roommate this weekend at our apartment. I could not BE more excited about the food I am preparing. I really need a boy to cook for so that I can release all these pent up entertaining desires.
3) Speaking of boys, I got nothing. NADA. Not one single thing. No satellites, no balls in the air, no crushes...ok, the point has been made. I am okay with that though. Relationships are breaking up and springing up all around me so I have plenty of relationship type issues to talk about. They just aren't my issues. What an oddly satisfying feeling. Some of the break ups I reference are marriages that are ending. How incredibly sad. I can't even imagine. My roommate's good friend is reaching the breaking point with his wife and I found myself advocating divorce. Some people are just not meant to be married. And one or both parties can only fight it for so long. But, the voice in the back of my head screams, "It is a marriage!" There is so much more to fight for when it is a marriage because of the level of commitment the parties (yes, I am a law clerk) made.
4) Speaking of divorces, (take a minute to admire the seamless transitions rampant throughout my post) we had some disagreeable parties in our courtroom last week. It was like the Jerry Springer show at times. The husband doesn't want the wife's new boyfriend to stay at the house when their kids are staying there. Seems fair, right? In defiance, the wife's lawyer suggests that the judge ask the husband who he is romantically involved in. Can you guess? The wife's younger sister. So Jerry Springer - I could hear the audience's reaction,
No, she did not say her sister! Snap!Those are some brief snippets of what is going on in my life. I realize my blog should be more than that but right now, that is all I got.
Your Honor
Since I've started my new job, I have thought a lot about how fun it would be to be a judge. Wearing a black robe means people get out of your way when you walk down the hallway, lawyers defer you to in court by saying things like "As I am sure Your Honor is aware", and a person carrying a gun announces your arrival into a room. But today, I realized that I am probably not quite smart enough yet to go on the bench. I sat in court this morning for what was supposed to be a relatively short and simple hearing. 30 minutes max. After about 15 minutes of argument, I found my mind wandering. I started regretting not eating a banana before coming into court. After about 30 minutes of argument, real technical legal argument on issues I hadn't briefed, my mind was officially elsewhere. Still thinking about the banana, of course. And how I was going to make banana pudding this past weekend but didn't quite get to it. After 60 minutes of argument, the judge was grilling the expert witness and my right foot was officially asleep. And I was thinking very seriously about the banana I had in my office. I couldn't believe my foolishness in not planning ahead. Normally, I am very much on top of eating. Finally, after an hour and a half of argument, the parties wrapped it up and the judge called me back to her chambers. She clearly retained everything that the parties and witnesses had said during the hearing. I managed to string together a few coherent sentences about what had transpired. Finally, I was dismissed and I was able to enjoy my well deserved banana.
So, yeah, so not focused enough to be a judge. Yet.
